There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
