Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
