The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
