I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
