chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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