oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
