Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
