Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
