I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
