Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
