I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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