a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
