its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
