we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
