I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize
