How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
