I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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