Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
