Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
