i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I'm way too hungover for life right now
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
