Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
