Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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