I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
