Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
