I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
