He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
