Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Well I just put wine in my tea
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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