I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
