Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
