if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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