I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
