She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
