Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
