In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
