oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize