I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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