I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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