I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we're making bets on your personal life
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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