Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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