It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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