i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
