I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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