If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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