im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
