wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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