The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
