that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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