Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
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