I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
You dont lie about slip and slides
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
