i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
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