Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
