yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
