i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize