Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
