Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
