If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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