so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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