You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
