So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
