another moral hangover. fuck.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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