I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
